"we're never gonna feel as full as we felt"

i love paint, lingerie, nicotine fingers, long runs and blush on my cheeks. i love imperfections and marks from your love on my body. i love when i am free enough to merge all my thinking - the daily routine with the creative process. when art becomes life, and there is no cognitive dissonance. 

when i am calm enough to realize that everything is everything- painting is running, and artistic excellence is athletic excellence. 

when i’m bold enough to see outside what i’ve been told.

self-worth is built upon through doing the things that scare you and lifting the things that have been designed to weight you down. you build upon your worth by developing positive experiences in pursuing your passions. 

that is why everyday is so important - we are creating, moving, progressing. every book, song, trip, person is contributing to the narrative. 

become brave enough to write your own story. be messy and own all of it. 

lorna blue bra by Agent Provocateur

lorna blue suspender by Agent Provocateur

lorna blue thong by Agent Provocateur

chicago, illinois

nirvana tee by madeworn

black silk push up bra by la perla

black tuelle briefs by la perla

that night

you were always down for it. trying to find the right time. lost in my own mind, and you can tell when i make the switch into oblivion. 

i'm a little wayward, a little youthful. finding change, and truth, and meaning in the things closest to me. 

standing in a dream world, sitting next to you. 

xx 

august en fleurs

Here's a little round up of my last month, summer's been more fun than I could of hoped for. It's been a wild mix of photos, late nights, road trips, champagne, pilates, long conversations and hard times. 

I didn't think it was possible to go through so much in one summer, but then again I suppose the seasons always change us. I feel deeper, like I can love more / feel more. My body is stronger from hours of pilates and training for the marathon. My heart is stronger from deeper connections with friends and loved ones. We are always moving forward, I'm starting to see how even the hard stuff serves our expansion. 

I love all of you guys and I just wanna say thank you for following me through this journey. 

xx 

hudson, ny

I met him at the steps in Grand Central on Friday afternoon. We took the early evening train two hours outside the city. I had my hand pressed against the window the whole time, watching the sun set on the Hudson River. He snapped photos and slept by my side. 

We took a cab to a little house where we hibernated for the entirety of the weekend. Red wine, local fruits, and lots of love. We are celebrating where we are. I've never wanted much more than someone to focus on and love, making art together has always been an added bonus. 

We took seven rolls of film as I danced around the old house. Summer felt easy, needs easily satiated. We are growing together as we create. It is a simple kind of union, a love flowing into our experience.

He captures my world just as it is. 

I love you. 

<3 

"she is a woman whom life intoxicates, who has no need of wine, who is floating in a self-created euphoria"

And so it is. Little blonde artist aligned with abundance. Sometimes I post photos like these because I'm hoping you can see into my mind - it's wild eclectic nature, it's rose garden like ease, it's creative sexuality. 

You are the maker of your own world. Take that power, and sculpt clouds in your mind. Erect mountains in the depths of your thoughts, find yourself immersed in the pleasure of your own company. 

You get to be with you for your whole life, and then some more after that. Take pleasure in this earthly experience in which you've chosen to participate. Drink the juice of a watermelon, drink wine. Write words. Listen to music that makes you feel. Find out who you are and stand by it so true that no wind could ever move you. 

xx 

in the mountain, in the cloud

Fell in love with the mountains many years ago. Baby's muse. Running around in a setting sun, better than my best dream. 

Four hours outside the city, just daydreaming as the trees speed by. I place all my preocupations and wishes into them. All my wild fantasies and melodies. These will just be places to me now. 

Three cameras, and endless rolls of portra 400. A shitty motel stuck in time, a summer eve that never ends. The sun doesn't set in the mountains. Two bottles of the most delicious red, mostly consumed by me. Lots of water and feeling. Lots of reflections and waves. 

I am absolutely free. I can see it in the way you've capture me. You saw that freedom and let me run. Little wild one. 

We were old, but now we're kids. 

photos by Sean Zhao

lovers at the sugar motel

Is this the life you set up for yourself in your younger days? Making art, making sense of it all. You're as free as ever, and you forget that. You forget how wild you are when you look at others around you. 

Remind yourself of your wild nature, of all the art you have yet to make. Let go and let it happen. It's all unfolding. It's been in you all along, this artist, this lover, this time in history. Perspective, kindness, soaking in today. 

Be all in.

xx 

pink leopard bikini by bamba swim

bella swim top hot pink by bamba swim

st louis crop top by For Love + Lemons

st louis mini skirt by For Love + Lemons

soul meets body

to feel nothing, and to feel everything at once. to experience art, and never feel like an artist. nothing is ever good enough, and there is always now. 

i only wanna slip into the release. 

to feel a collapse into purpose. 

there's something about the clouds moving so fast overhead, there's something about wishing you were here. to love without boundaries, the days go so slow. 

my heart is the pump that keeps my head clear. in this city that we call home, i am the painter and you write for a living, documenting the experiences we've already materialized. Creating a physical archive for the stories of my heart. 

xx 

photos by drake alexander

million dollar baby

Million dollar baby, champagne and sleeping in. Milk birthday cake and room service. Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt. A day of gratitude and golden blonde hair. Sometimes you just have to pinch yourself, because you can't believe the life you've created.

I always want to have more, be more, do more. I am so driven, and willing to take the actions to make it happen. But, my birthday was a day of simply soaking it in. Life isn't perfect, I was sick with a bad cold for the three days prior. But the day I turned 27, I woke up healthy and filled with so much love - so many phone calls and beautiful texts. 

This year, I feel so much more in control than ever before. I don't feel like a victim of life or the world. I can't control what happens, but I can control how I feel about it. I was so sick the days leading up to this shoot, but I had made peace with it.  I felt gratitude for all the days I had been healthy, all the people who have come into my life just this past year. We get to choose how we feel. You're not a victim of your emotions. Luckily, I was blessed with feeling wonderful and even began the day with pilates (my favorite.) 

Those of you that have been following this blog since I was 18, you're beautiful and I have such gratitude for you. You make this space special.

Abundance is your birthright, and love really is the strongest force in the universe. <3 

xx,

R.