my sh*t

My girls from HLZBLZ sent a few dope pieces my way from their most recent collection. I remember lusting over their threads during the myspace days, they are the OG streetwear line for women. 

On this rainy afternoon, I just played around in my apartment with Emilynn Rose who was in from LA and two of my other photographer friends. We drank white wine and order a huge pizza, which we proceeded to eat on the floor in my guest bedroom while listening to Travis Scott. 

Sometimes, I love my life a little too much... Links to shop everything I'm wearing are down below, happy friday babes! 

xx 

wasn't me bralette

rude girl bomber

eat me hat

f*ck f*ck bois jacket

when your love is safe

Yesterday, I woke up at 5am. I find it easy to get up early now, all it took was practice. You only become what you're exposed to. 

I went to the gym, I ran laps outside in the dark and wondered if I was crazy. I grabbed an ice coffee, and came home to have my hair and makeup done. Around 9am, I shot with a photographer that intimidated me. It was storming, I opened the windows to hear the rain. We shot in the light spaces that leaked through, creating shapes on my walls. 

By 11 am, I was sitting back at my desk and writing. Sipping another coffee and listening to Marianne Williamson. I felt high off of everything I had already done that day. 

Around 2pm, I had another photoshoot at my place. I had two other artist friends over, we sipped afternoon wine, and talked about being women in art. We filled my guest room with music, energy, and ordered a huge pizza. We sat out on my fire escape and talked about love. I looked down below, in my pink lingerie and stockings, smoking under the grey sky. How wonderfully full this day was, and it was only the afternoon. The old me would of hidden inside during a stormy day like this. The old me would of been scared. 

Some days you realize how far you've come. Not in the big ways, but the small ways. The accumulation of experiences, and the release of fears. You let yourself live it all now. You're exposed and vulnerable, and it feels alright. 

charlie faux fur shaggy jacket by Pretty Attitude

photos by Emilynn Rose

not made for love

Can't keep up a conversation, can't stay in one place. I think about it all the time. My reckless ways shock my lover for days. In all transparency, I am this girl. French cigarettes and dirty paint brushes in my house. Rosé bottles, expired vegetables, and stacks of books I've already read. As a child, this is all I ever wanted. You can't take it from me. 

We're gonna live in a house together, me in my books and you on the couch with your guitar. Exchanging keys, the first chapter in an unwritten story, the kind of story that feels like it's writing itself. The way you pretend your music writes itself, or my words, but we both know that's a lie.

My mother told me that success is not something you achieve, but something you bring to everything you do, and I'm finding that with you. 

rylee bondage bra by For Love & Lemons

photos by Scott Kaplan

"life like this"

So we're sleeping in together. Coconut oil lips and waking in the haze of a wave that only pulls us back to sleep. No clarity. 

"Lust & Wonder," my new Auguten Burroughs novel sitting by your bed. I look over to it's untouched dust jacket and fear I'll never reach my true potential. I'm dealing with the devil of distraction. 

Songs, television, wine, drugs, lovers - I bet every artist that was ever great had the ability to abstain from these things, at least that's what Thoreau said. 

But I chose you, and the pleasures of this flesh life. You introduced me to it all. And I jumped in, secretly hoping the ride would provide me with some inspiration. But now I'm too in my skin and can't get out. 

I try to take care of myself so I can create, but I'm more inspired by you. Perhaps because with you, I am outside myself. 

I take you into my world - Soho studio, teal kitchen, pink roses, paintings, and a closet full of lingerie. I am the character you imagined, running around in her flat, so unsure and in an unfulfilling pursuit of more. You get the sense that I've created my own world, but I can never posses it. Someone like me could never really own anything. Underneath the hard exterior is the gentle girl you saw in Breakfast at Tiffany's, extremely vulnerable and needy. 

I've built myself a life in which I'd need nothing else, but it only creates the desire for more. 

emboridered lingerie set by La Perla

Rylee bondage bralette by For Love & Lemons

christy lace panty by For Love & Lemons

Christy Lace Bra by For Love & Lemons

photos by Jen Senn

paris is always a good idea

"Paris is always a good idea," he said. But our second date was boarding a flight at JFK to London, so maybe he just thinks getting away is always a good idea.

Leaving my Soho sanctuary for another adventure, we're wrapping up a summer spent around the world. I haven't even had time to decorate my empty loft, too many flights and late nights. 

Our first day in Paris, we walked through the city with the druken haze of a jet lag. I lost all anxiety and just wanted to wander. I wrote pages in my phone, words flowing like rivers after a night spent on the plane. In some garden, which I will never recall the name of, it occurred to me that I had been thinking inside limitations. Artsitically limiting my work and my mind. Paris was just what I needed to get outside myself. To see the world from the flip side. 

That first night we wandered into one of the hotel bars, The Hemingway.  The bartender immediately took a liking to me, and said I reminded him of Alison Mosshart from the Kills, she was a regular there. He said I looked like a real rock n roller, hair dirty from the day and hiding my body inside an oversized black leather jacket. 

We woke up early and stayed up late. I couldn't wrap my head around everything, and I guess that's ok. Thursday night I stayed out on the balcony chain smoking and drinking a half bottle of champagne. I listen to Interpol and Iron and Wine. I sat in my lingerie, unseen by everyone including you. I felt hidden, above the world observing it, but also invisible. 

I sunk into the hotel bed with the deepest dreams, every night I felt as if I left my body. Coffee in the morning was my favorite, endless cups and a basket of bread. One cigarette to follow. 

I wish I had more time here, I don't absorb things very quickly. I have to soak in the waters, get lost and get found again. 

I am here to see the world with you, but the more we see, the less we have to say. 

une semaine à paris

In the past year, I have been to ten countries. Five of which, were this summer. I'm so pleased I spent the beginning of September in Paris. This is one of the cities I hold dearest to my heart. I believe it was before I started my blog, but I did my last semester of high school in Paris. French had long been my favorite subject, so I was euphoric when my parents agreed to let me go.

In school there, I immediately feel into a cool girl group. We wore armées françaises jackets and smoked cigarettes. We circled around one table outside for lunch and had black coffee and fries. I think it was easy for me to fit in right away because at the time I dressed in all vintage, listened soley to indie rock, and had this artist flare about me. Growing up in Michigan, my full vintage enables, edgy myspace photos, music interests, and weekends spent cutting up fashion magazines were less than normal. I believe when I got to France, I actually felt validated and accepted for who I was as a person. 

It was crazy to go back now after all I have accomplished in the fashion world. At eighteen in France, I was just a dreamer. Longing someday to live, work, and play the way I do now. I was the intelligent yet quiet girl in school, head always in a book, insecure about her hair and weight. Now I'm the fashionable little blonde artist I only once imagined. The girl that travels, writes, and models for a living. 

If you had told me a year ago that within the next twelve months I would be traveling to ten different countries, I would of told you that's a lie. I would of settled for my routine in Brooklyn, playing it safe, and taking no chances. Seeing the world has turned me into an adult. A person of compassion, understanding and values. I don't know why I decided to let go, to see the world, learn new languages, fall in love, endure heartbreak, and take risks. But I can tell you, it was worth it. 

x 

the eclipse white hat by Lack of Color

women's biker jacket by Deadwood

lace lingerie set by La Perla

blue shoulder bag by Chanel

l'agence exclusive aurélie red leather pant by intermix

black lace dress by intermix

kitty black sunglasses by nasty gal

rolling stones tee-shirt vintage

black thigh-high boots by Stuart Weitzman

red and white ankle boots by modern vice

romantic pink mini dress by For Love & Lemons

pink stripe heart dress + yellow python bag by gucci

a week in nicaragua

Where do I even start. If you followed my instagram or snapchat this past week, you know I've been in for six days of adventure and surprises. This last trip to Nicaragua was literally one of the best trips of my life. I believe that's because of two things - the people, and my willingness to try things I never have before. There is such immense pleasure that comes from the strength to just let go and try something new. There is also great reward in getting to know new people. 

My trip was planned by supercharge agency, and I can honestly say I have never been treated with such respect and care in my life. They made me feel so comfortable and respected through everything. 

We first landed in Managua and spent the night at a hotel in the city. I loved walking around seeing all the motorcycles and the culture. We shot some cool looks and played dress up in the town square. 

The next day we woke up and drove four hours on dirt roads to this incredible horse farm called Rancho Chilamate. I felt like I was on a tv show when we walked into the breathtaking house. The surfers that worked there cooked a family style dinner for us and we drank way too much wine! It was so fun that night to stay up in the pool and just pass around the bottle and get to know each other. 

We woke early the next morning to ride horses through the mountains and down to the beach. It was about a three hour ride and my heart was just so ecstatic the whole time! We filmed for Bumble & Bumble on the beach.

After that we went for another drive to Maderas Village, which was like the Bushwick hipster-ville of Nicaragua. Filled with cool surfers, yogis, and New York babes, this was probably my favorite place we stopped. Right when we arrived they were blasting interpol and offering us a drink. We slept in treehouse on top of the jungle. One night, Emily and I had a monkey fighting with a dog on our balcony. One of the surfers that worked there had to come up and pull the dog away from the monkey. It was so crazy, but I was finally getting really used to being in nature. (And having very limited wifi!) We woke to the sound of gorillas almost every morning. I also loved the endless supply of coffee that was readily available. The last morning we stayed there I did an incredible yoga class in the middle of all the trees and meditated to the sound of nature. That was a breathtaking experience that I know I may never have again. 

The last place we stopped was so lux, an all white house in the hills with a breathtaking view. We stayed up cooking and drinking by the pool, and just reflecting on everything we had been through - all the travel, trials, and difficulties. I felt exhausted but empowered. I had a 14-hour travel day home yesterday, but I woke up early and hit the gym. I'm here typing this just overwhelmed and feeling blessed to get to experience something like this and create beautiful pictures along the way. This life is so beautiful and limitless, you just have to see it for yourself. 

xx 

the change up

Obviously, I'm dressing like I'm ready for fall. Which, I am. I can't wait to wear layers and jackets and hats and not melt outside.

I've been loving yellow, and patterns, and platforms. Here's a look where I mixed them all. The links to shop each specific item are down below! Everything is from Nasty Gal, super affordable! I can't believe I'm going to Nicaragua in 3 days! I'm so excited to plan some rad looks for you all! If there's something about my trip you'd like me to specifically document, please let me know! 

xoxo

sunglasses by Quay

so vine embroidered skinny pants by Nasty Gal

black wrap crop top by Lioness

bag by Gucci

OOOUUU

rose hat Opening Ceremony

silk wrap top Nasty Gal

sunglasses  Quay

bag Gucci

platforms  ASOS

coming down

Coming down off everything you've made up in your head. You make what no one else can. You get all the way there, just to bring yourself back. Thinking it over, I leave you in the lofty dream space I created. Cigarettes and palo santo, the heat fades and the light pours in. 

Write another day off where you spent too much time alone. It's the silence in between the high of human interaction. It's required. Or at least you require it to create. Sometimes you have to be alone to figure yourself out. 

In transit to a motel near the airport. Sipping prosecco from the bottle, and calling the front desk. Five dollar french fries for lunch in the hotel bar. The worst white wine, but the place is filled with characters. The back door's open, there's black guitar cases lined up in the lobby.

There's mirrors on the celling, you could lay for hours under the smoke. High off the ethanol. I see the world through the small moments, through the details and cracks in the wall. 

originally seen on NAKID MAGAZINE

fur coats by Katelyn Kope

photos by Jen Senn