All you need: A four-pack of toilet paper for a makeshift turban (the softer the better for comfort purposes), an assault rifle, and a bomb-ass hiding place in which you can spend your entire evening.
All you need: A hard-hat (preferably with a large-blinding flashlight attached), a human-sized ant farm in which to put yourself, and the will to live (and live, and live, and live and live and live).
All you need: Fake blood for anonymous murder wounds (can place in exact same spots according to crime scene reports), an English-Italian dictionary to pick up a few key phrases like “Aiutare” (help) and a roommate who’s in denial about pretty much everything.
All you need: If you’re living in the Gulf, this one’s easy. Go to your nearest beach and collect tar balls to glue on your body. Chances are, there’s still some there and you’ll help with cleanup efforts in the meantime.
All you need: Cut out tea cups and glue them to your large southern-bell sun hat, a chip on your shoulder (can be made of actual broken glass or plastic look-alike) and a pair of large American Flag shaped glasses to ensure you’re observing the world around you as radical and out-of-control.
7. “An Official Medical Marijuana License”
All you need: A frame to put around your head for identification purposes, a shiny little gold sticker to stick on the top right of your forehead and a Xerox copy machine to make you look damn official.
All you need: An American Flag tie, a few grey hair extensions, and an asshole republican to clean up after.