SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN: I AM A UNICORN

by Rachel Lynch in


The title of this blog post has nothing to do with what I am about to tell you. It just so happens that I had a check-up today with my doctor. He's all butt hurt because I'm still refusing to take medication for my ADD. But to me, adderall is unicorn meds. Works for some but I really don't feel it's my rainbow horn in the forest, (i mean cup of tea.) And, no girls, adderall and other notorious methamphetamines are NOT the way to achieve a thin body. It's called a gym. And *BONUS* -- you may even meet a hott boy there who is NOT an alcoholic.

Anyways, the question that we all need to ask ourselves when it comes to relationships is, AM I BEING REALISTIC? For example: Dating an alcoholic. Do yourself a favor, and don't. Dating a famous closet alcoholic? Tempting, but again, we're gonna have to pass. And being alcoholics together doesn't make it any better. You can only tuck that one under the rug for so long before the fact that you may actually have to deal with (*gasp*) REAL LIFE hits you in the forehead like an on-coming school bus. But on the reals, addicts don't make good mates. Addicts primary loyalty is not to the relationship, it's to the addiction. Active addicts become cheaper versions of themselves and lose integrity. Not really someone you want to lean on.

So my fellow first-born blonde unicorns out there in the forest, let's do ourselves a big favor and only mate with HEALTHY like-minded, goal-oriented unicorns.

(DISCLAIMER: I am wildly sober in the above photo. However, some of you may be on some #unicornshit and decline to believe me. FINE. Your opinions are like Lucky Charms to me, I only care about picking out the marshmallows.)